Reply From Playgroup

So I got a response to my somewhat angry letter about the controlled crying book excerpt featured in Totline, the playgroup magazine.

Dear Rachel

Thank you for taking the time to write back and express your concerns about the "The Big Sleep" article by Professor Gans. Feedback from members such as yourself is important to us. I have passed on your email to the editorial team to ensure an alternate view, such as yours, is expressed in a subsequent Totline edition. We will certainly have a look at the text that you have recommended and will investigate including it in a future article.

In the magazine we did identify that the article was a book review and provided an informative range of techniques on Progressive Waiting by Karitane (a well respected NSW early years group and drawn directly from their website) in a breakout box on the main page of the article.

I also note that the highly credentialed Australian parenting website Raising Children also has information regarding Controlled Comforting http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/controlled_comforting.html and notes the following information on current research regarding Controlled Comforting (sometimes known as controlled crying)

Is controlled comforting harmful?

Despite concerns about potential harms to the baby, no studies published in peer-reviewed journals have shown any psychological or physical harm from using controlled comforting (or other behaviour management techniques described on this site). In fact, recent research has shown that babies who have undergone controlled comforting are more likely to sleep better in the short-term and are as well adjusted as their peers in terms of behaviour and sleep in the long-term.

I do however acknowledge that a few of the terms used by Professor Gans to describe the techniques he personally employed could be considered negative and perhaps could have been worded better, however as this was a review of his publication, it was not our place to rewrite his text.

Please feel free to call me personally if you need to discuss this matter as I value the feedback.

Many thanks,

Deb Ryan

Deb Ryan

Chief Executive Officer

Playgroup NSW Inc.

Hmm, not good enough methinks. That Raising Children site is just horrible, and when I had a squiz at the CC info a few years ago, it said that the baby might cry until they vomit, and that was fine. You should just go in, clean it up calmly, with no eye contact, and resume the torture session.

CHILDREN ARE PEOPLE TOO!!! THIS IS NOT OK!!!

Edited to add:

I wrote back.

Hi Deb

Thank you for replying. I understand that you were not responsible for the actual text, but you (being the editorial team, not you personally) were responsible for publishing it in your magazine, thus giving the impression that Playgroup endorses this particular parenting strategy.

The fact that it is endorsed by Karitane, and that Karitane is well respected, does not in any way mean that the technique is not harmful. Well respected doctors have, in the past, appeared in cigarette advertisements, and recommended certain brands of cigarettes to their patients for stress relief. Hindsight is a grand thing- we can now see how harmful this has been to many many people, and continues to be.
I also place no trust in the Raising Children website. Here is a further quote from their controlled crying advice:

"What if my baby vomits?
Some babies tend to vomit more often than others and about one in five may vomit during controlled comforting. If this happens it can be upsetting for baby and parent. Try to calmly clean up any vomit from the bed and put a clean nappy wrap under your baby’s head. It's best to avoid making a big fuss, turning on lights, or completely changing the baby unless absolutely necessary. Otherwise, some babies can learn to vomit each time they are put into the cot." [Italics mine]

If it is true that young babies vomit on purpose (and I greatly disbelieve this) then what kind of trauma must they be going through, if vomiting is a better option? If they are willing to put themselves through that 'each time they are put in the cot' rather than go through the stress and emotional pain of contolled crying again? Vomiting is not a pleasent experience. To do it purposefully to try and avoid somehting else must mean that the 'something else' is even worse.

Articles and books like this put an enormous amount of stress on parents of babies who do not sleep through the night. And this is the vast majority of babies! It is normal for babies to wake at night. It is not a problem to be solved- yet articles which portray it in this light lead parents to feel that there is either something wrong with their baby, or something wrong with their parenting. It creates tension and disrupts the mother-infant bond, as mothers begin to see it an an us-vs-them situation.

It is normal for babies to need help to get to sleep. If they are helped to sleep when they are young, it does not mean that they will never learn to go to sleep by themselves. We help our babies to get dressed, and trust that when they are old enough, they will learn to dress themselves. We carry our babies, wear them in slings, and push them in prams, but we trust that they will learn to walk on their own when they are ready. Why can't this same trust be applied to sleep? There are many parents who help their babies to sleep by various means, rocking, patting, singing, feeding, and co-sleeping, to name a few. How many of these babies are still demanding this when they are 18 years old? Silly question? Then obviously, they will stop needing to be helped to sleep at some point. We just need to trust our child.

My son, who is now three, was always fed to sleep, and slept with me. Until 22 months, he fed overnight too, but because he slept with me, neither of us needed to wake up for these night feeds. He would just roll over in his sleep, find the breast, and roll back over when he was done. At 22 months he nightweaned, but still fed to sleep each night. Soon after that I was pregnant, and with my milk supply declinig, he slowly cut down his feeds. The bed time feed was the last to go, but at 27 months, completely of his own accord, he stopped that feed too, and completely weaned. We then cuddled to sleep. He always went to sleep quickly, easily and happily. Just after his baby sister was born, he moved into his own bedroom, where he sleeps with his father, sometimes in the same bed, sometimes in different beds. I trust that, when he is ready, he will let us know that he doesn't want to sleep with Daddy anymore.In the meantime, it is lovely to have that extra nighttime connection and closeness with our children, and bedtime is a snuggly, happy time, not a drama.

As you can see, this is quite a passionate topic for me. It took me four days to write the first letter after I saw the article, as I couldn't bring myself to re-read it. I was shaking with anger and upset as I wrote the letter. I feel so sad for all those little babies, feeling that they have been abandoned, night after night, and not understanding why the people they trust with their lives will not come when they call, when they scream in distress.

Please get hold of a copy of Helping Your Baby To Sleep, and let parents know that it is normal for their babies to need them at night. It is OK to help them sleep. That their babies are people, with feelings. That they deserve to be treated as such.

Rachel M