OMFG! So Angry!

Got the Playgroup magazine, Totline, in the mail the other day. I wasn't expecting much, it's usually full of mainstream crap, but I really couldn't believe it when I saw an excerpt from a book (Parentonomics) by Joshua Gans. Yes, an economist, writing a book on parenting. I was so fucking angry at the crap he was spouting! I couldn't finish reading the article. Five days later, I finally brought myself to read the whole article in order to write an angry letter to Playgroup NSW:

To whoever is responsible for Totline:

I could not believe what I saw when I started to read the article/book excerpt "The Big Sleep" in the latest Totline magazine. It is the most horrible, unresearched, harmful piece of crap I have read in a long time. Sorry, but there's no better way to describe it. From an organisation which claims to promote 'positive interaction between children and carers' and 'the development of self esteem in our children'- the advice given in this article goes against both of those values.
The article promotes the controlled crying technique, in which babies are left on their own to cry themselves to sleep at very young ages.

In 2003 the Australian Association for Infant Mental Health released a paper stating their opposition to the Controlled Crying technique, based on research they had conducted:
“AAMHI is concerned that the widely practiced technique of Controlled Crying is not consistent with what infants need for their optimal emotional and psychological health, and may have unintended negative consequences”.

One of the biggest consequences of this technique is that the trust relationship between a baby and its carers is damaged. When a baby cries, it is attempting to communicate something. Crying is, at first, the only method of communication available to a baby. When this is ignored, the lesson that the baby learns is not 'I need to learn to sleep on my own', it is 'I cannot trust my parents to be there for me when I need them'.

Sometimes controlled crying seems to work- the baby stops crying and goes to sleep. What is actually happening is that the baby's emotions are shutting down. The common human stress responses are fight or flight, but a baby can do neither of these. It's reaction to being abandoned (yes, that is how the baby sees it) is to withdraw, to shut down. This happens after the baby's system has been flooded with cortisol, the stress hormone. When a baby to turn to this 'shut down' response often enough, major and permanent damage is done to the baby's stress response system.

For more information about the damage done by controlled crying, see "Helping Your Baby To Sleep: Why Gentle Techniques Work Best" by Anni Gethin and Beth MacGregor, and the article http://bawlingbabies.blogspot.com/2007/06/controlled-crying-some-facts-and.html (and other articles on that website). For gentler sleep solutions, see "Sleeping Like A Baby" by Pinky MacKay, and "Nighttime Parenting" by Dr William Sears.

Apart from the fact that the article promotes the CC technique, the other complaint I have about it is the language used by the author to describe children- his own and others. He frequently uses language that describes babies as objects to be controlled, and also as deliberately manipulative. Some examples include "...a little baby can train its parents nicely", "...a child... starts using this method to get a reaction from you. The trickery...", "...a shrewd baby has improved their acting skills", "That night we implemented a hard line", "Sure, the first few times you leave a happy and awake baby in their cot, they will be confused and scream..."

What the author doesn't seem to understand is that babies are people. They are deserving of respect. They are not inconvenient objects that must be 'negotiated' with. Their feelings and emotions are real, their needs are real- including the need for closeness. Yes, even at night. Attention is a NEED for children, not a want. Children who don't get enough touch and attention don't grow. They don't develop properly.

While Mr Gan may be pleased that his children, as small babies, supposedly learnt that it's not worth their while to 'negotiate' for his or his partner's attention at night, he may regret this later down the track. When one of his children, at 16, considers the option of either calling him for a lift home from a party at 2am, or getting in a car with a drunk driver, they will undoubtedly remember their early lesson- my parents will not always be there for me. I can't trust them to be there when I need them. I can't disturb my parents to ask for help when it's inconvenient for them. I am on my own.

Please consider the impact that inresearched information like this can have on parents, and on their helpless babies. Before publishing an article which promotes a particular parenting technique, do your own research. I suggest that, in the next issue of Totline, you publish an excerpt from a gentle, respectful sleep book- my recommendation is "Helping Your Baby To Sleep", as mentioned above.

In anger and sadness,
Rachel M